Baseball team names come in a lot of varieties. I've always liked ones that are tied to the city they're in, so I decided to wade through all 30 MLB teams and rate their name, logo, and mascot. I weighted them at 60% name, 20% logo, 20% mascot. Here are the results!
AL West
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Houston Astros
- Name: 9 Very specific to Houston. Also cool!
- Logo: 6 Attractive but fairly generic.
- Mascot: 7 His name is "Orbit", which is good, and he kind of looks like he's from outer space? Also, he does this.
Texas Rangers
- Name: 7 The name is pretty good, but it loses points for laying claim to Texas when they're really from Dallas. Boo Dallas!
- Logo: 8 Looks pretty Texas-y.
- Mascot: 9 His name is Captain, and he's a horse! Which took me a minute but I 100% approve.
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
- Name: 3 Kinda cool that the movie "Angels in the Outfield" was about them, but seriously: the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim"?? That is ridiculously clunky.
- Logo: 8 It's got a halo and a baseball diamond, so pretty good!
- Mascot: 0 No official mascot, but I guess you can get this monkey in an Angels uniform?
Oakland Athletics
- Name: 4 The name came from an "Athletic Club", which is pretty bland/non-specific.
- Logo: 5 Plain but elegant.
- Mascot: 8 His name is Stomper! And the elephant came from a rival manager making fun of the A's and saying the owner had a "white elephant" on his hands. So that's pretty great.
Seattle Mariners
- Name: 7 Specific, but could apply anywhere on any coast. Random fun fact: the Mariners are owned by Nintendo of America!
- Logo: 10 It's a compass with a baseball in the center! Nicely done.
- Mascot: 8 The Mariner Moose has his own Wikipedia page, and he sounds pretty cool.
Winner
Wow, this was a close division, but the Houston Astros narrowly beat out the Seattle Mariners and Texas Rangers.
AL Central
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Kansas City Royals
- Name: 4 The Royals were apparently named after the American Royal, a livestock show, rodeo, etc. held in Kansas City. So the name is technically of a local origin but it's so obscure I'm not going to count it. Fun additional facts: Kansas City only got an expansion team because an angry Senator threatened to get rid of MLB's antitrust exemption. I also added a point because the Royals was the inspiration for Lorde's song "Royals", which is so crazy I would not have believed it if you had told me that.
- Logo: 6 Attractive for what it is. Not really very baseball-y though, looks like RC Cola.
- Mascot: 4 On the one hand - his head is a crown! On the other hand, I'm pretty sure he would have given me nightmares as a kid. *shudders*
Minnesota Twins
- Name: 7 I didn't know that Twins refers to the twin cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul - nicely done!
- Logo: 5 Sure, fine.
- Mascot: 5 It's a bear. He looks friendly.
Detroit Tigers
- Name: 5 The Tigers were founded so long ago there are various rumors as to where they got their name from, but Wikipedia says it was from the Detroit Light Guard military unit (which fought in the Civil War!) Like the Royals, some points for being local in origin, but the name itself is pretty generic.
- Logo: 5 Meh. I like the Yankees-like script, but that's barely recognizable as a "D".
- Mascot: 9 His name is Paws and he's adorable!
Cleveland Indians
- Name: 2 Generic _and_ somewhat offensive! They should have stuck with "Spiders".
- Logo: 1 Your choices are an extremely generic "C", which could stand for any number of teams in any number of sports, or a "controversial Native American caricature".
- Mascot: 2 His name is Slider and he's a pink blob with polka dots. OK...
Chicago White Sox
- Name: 5 Kind of interesting - they took their name from the now-Chicago Cubs, and they used to be named the White Stockings because the Cincinnati Red Stockings had a 89-game winning streak(!) at one point and a lot of teams were founded with the sole purposes of beating them. Having said that, there's nothing really specific to Chicago about the name, and it will be forever associated with the Black Sox scandal of 1919. (also: they swept the Astros in the 2005 World Series, booooo, booooo)
- Logo: 2 Meh.
- Mascot: 3 His name is Southpaw which is a reference to the South Side of Chicago. But...what animal is he?
Winner
In another close call, the Minnesota Twins squeeze by the Detroit Tigers.
AL East
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New York Yankees
- Name: 7 The origin of the name is kind of unclear, but, you know, it's a classic.
- Logo: 8 Plain, but also a classic.
- Mascot: 0 One of three teams with no mascot. Boo!
Tampa Bay Rays
- Name: 1 Used to be named the "Devil Rays" (another name for "Manta Ray"), but then some people objected (I guess? this is unclear) and they renamed themselves the "Rays", which now refers to a "burst of sunshine". Weak - if you don't want the word "devil" in your name, what's wrong with "Manta Rays"? "Rays" referring to a bust of sunshine is just terrible.
- Logo: 4 Look, a burst of sunshine. Blah, whatever.
- Mascot: 6 His name is "Raymond" and he's described as a "seadog", which is weird but kinda neat!
Baltimore Orioles
- Name: 7 Named after the state bird of Maryland. Not bad!
- Logo: 6 Not especially creative, but it has a classic look, and I do like the script writing.
- Mascot: 7 His name is "The Oriole Bird", which seems redundant. But he was "hatched" out of a giant egg before their 1979 season opener, which is pretty awesome!
Toronto Blue Jays
- Name: 5 Apparently the team was named the Blue Jays because "blue is the traditional color of Toronto's other professional sports teams", which is pretty weak. But it's saved by the fact that the original owner was the Labatt Brewing Company, which makes the beer Labatt Blue, which I've actually heard of. So...partial credit!
- Logo: 8 Pretty good - works in a baseball, a blue jay, and a maple leaf!
- Mascot: 5 His name is Ace, and there's not much interesting about him (as far as I can tell)
Boston Red Sox
- Name: 6 The Red Sox have a lot of history, but there doesn't seem to be a good reason they started as the Red Stockings. Still, the original Red Stockings are the oldest team that is still playing (although now they're the Atlanta Braves), so they get some credit for longevity.
- Logo: 7 Simple but it looks pretty good. Bonus points for working a baseball in, which I hadn't noticed before!
- Mascot: 6 Wally the Green Monster is a pretty good name for a Red Sox mascot, but that thing looks pretty terrifying.
Winner
The Baltimore Orioles take it over the Boston Red Sox.
NL West
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Los Angeles Dodgers
- Name: 6 The name "Dodgers" came from the Brooklyn Dodgers in the 1890s, and it refers to the new trolley system that had just been put in. (some people called Brooklynites "trolley dodgers", apparently?) So, some points for being city specific, even if that's fairly obscure today.
- Logo: 8 The script "Dodgers" is pretty classic, and it's a nice looking logo!
- Mascot: 0 The Dodgers don't have a mascot - booo!
San Francisco Giants
- Name: 3 It's been around for a while, but the original name for the team (when they were in New York) came about because the manager bragged that the guys on his team were big. So...not really unique. (The current New York Giants football team is named after the old New York Giants baseball team, confusingly enough)
- Logo: 7 Simple, but I like it!
- Mascot: 8 "Lou Seal" is a pretty great name for a mascot.
Arizona Diamondbacks
- Name: 9 Very appropriate for an Arizona team!
- Logo: 6 It's all right, but nothing about it says "baseball".
- Mascot: 5 Baxter the Bobcat seems fine, I guess.
San Diego Padres
- Name: 10 Padres refers to the Spanish missionaries in the area. Nicely done!
- Logo: 6 The logo isn't really baseball-specific, but it looks nice, and I like the "baseball club" touch (like a lot of soccer teams call themselves "football club"s)
- Mascot: 9 The Swinging Friar is pretty awesome!
Colorado Rockies
- Name: 8 Rockies is certainly appropriate for a Colorado team, although it loses a few points for being awkward.
- Logo: 9 Pretty, simple, and it has a baseball in it.
- Mascot: 8 Dinger is a triceratops, which didn't make any sense until I read that they dug up a bunch of dinosaur bones (including a triceratops!) when they were building Coors Field.
Winner
In a tough division, the San Diego Padres top the Colorado Rockies.
NL Central
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St. Louis Cardinals
- Name: 0 Wikipedia says that "Cardinals" comes from the color of the team's uniforms when they were called the "Perfectos", which is a way better name. The Cardinals hacked into the Astros' internal network. I do not like the Cardinals. Here is a picture of a Cardinals fan:
- Logo: 4 The cardinal is on a baseball bat! Which is something.
- Mascot: 5 Pretty much what you'd expect. His name is Fredbird, and he once posed with a sign saying "Police Lives Matter".
Pittsburgh Pirates
- Name: 4 Not Pittsburgh-specific, but they got their name because they "pirated" some players back in 1890.
- Logo: 4 It looks nice, but it doesn't exactly scream "baseball"...
- Mascot: 7 Pirate Parrot is pretty good, but the real winner is the Pierogis in the Great Pierogi Race. Races + regional food costumes = win!
Chicago Cubs
- Name: 2 The history is somewhat murky, but in the early 1900's they had a lot of young players, I guess?
- Logo: 5 Not baseball-specific, but it is elegant.
- Mascot: 3 Clark the Cub looks friendly enough, but...eh.
Milwaukee Brewers
- Name: 8 Named after the local brewing industry!
- Logo: 9 Looks nice, has a baseball and even some wheat!
- Mascot: 7 Bernie Brewer looks pretty cool, and Milwaukee has a sausage race too!
Cincinnati Reds
- Name: 6 The name is derived from the Red Stockings, which was the Cincinnati team in 1869(!). Disappointingly, during the McCarthy red scare they changed their name to the "Redlegs" for a few years.
- Logo: 2 Well, it is red! Other than that it's pretty bland.
- Mascot: 4 The Reds have a lot of mascots. Gapper (the furry thing in the middle) is the best one. I feel like the Reds are trying too hard with so many mascots.
Winner
Not even close - the Milwakuee Brewers win in a landslide! (most importantly, the Cardinals are in last place!)
NL East
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New York Mets
- Name: 7 "Mets" is short for "Metropolitans", which I guess New York City can lay claim to.
- Logo: 9 Very nice New York skyline in there!
- Mascot: 7 Mr. Met was the first mascot to exist in "human" form! Having said that, there's nothing particularly New York-specific about him.
Washington Nationals
- Name: 4 "Nationals" is appropriate, but just so generic. (see also: Houston Texans) However, the team was known as the Nationals back in the early 1900s, which is pretty cool. I was mad they didn't retake the Senators name, but apparently the Texas Rangers still own the rights to that name.
- Logo: 2 Looks fine but it's pretty generic.
- Mascot: 8 The official mascot is Screech, a bald eagle. That's not bad. But during home games they have a race between the presidents, which is awesome! Check this out: "A running gag with the Presidents is that Teddy Roosevelt can never win a race - he came close in 2012, after apparently defeating the other 3 presidents: while Teddy was 'Tebowing' near the finish line, George Washington drove up in a car and whacked him in the back of the head with a baseball bat."
Miami Marlins
- Name: 5 Not much to say here - there's no particular reason they picked the Marlins other than Miami being close to the ocean, I guess.
- Logo: 4 Too abstract for my taste, although the stylized Marlin in the top left is all right.
- Mascot: 4 Billy the Marlin is...fine.
Atlanta Braves
- Name: 5 The Braves name goes back to 1912, and apparently the name was somehow related to Tammany Hall? Crazy!
- Logo: 5 Not a bad looking logo, although would it have killed them to slip a baseball in there somewhere?
- Mascot: 4 His name is "Homer the Brave", which is pretty clever, but he looks like a copy of Mr. Met.
Philadelphia Phillies
- Name: 7 They've been the Phillies since 1883, and although it could be more inventive, it's definitely specific to Philadelphia!
- Logo: 7 Pretty good - nice script word, a baseball diamond, and the Liberty Bell, crack and all!
- Mascot: 9 The Phillie Phanatic is a classic character! He(?) is often named the best mascot in sports. The Capital City Goofball (from the Simpsons) is based on him. The Phillies even had cool mascots before the Phanatic: "The Phanatic replaced "Philadelphia Phil" and "Philadelphia Phillis", a pair of siblings dressed in 18th-century garb to invoke the city's revolutionary spirit from 1776."
Winner
This is actually a tie! I didn't come up with any tiebreaker rules, so I'm going to take the Philadelphia Phillies over the New York Mets.
NL
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San Diego Padres
- Name: 10 Padres refers to the Spanish missionaries in the area. Nicely done!
- Logo: 6 The logo isn't really baseball-specific, but it looks nice, and I like the "baseball club" touch (like a lot of soccer teams call themselves "football club"s)
- Mascot: 9 The Swinging Friar is pretty awesome!
Milwaukee Brewers
- Name: 8 Named after the local brewing industry!
- Logo: 9 Looks nice, has a baseball and even some wheat!
- Mascot: 7 Bernie Brewer looks pretty cool, and Milwaukee has a sausage race too!
Philadelphia Phillies
- Name: 7 They've been the Phillies since 1883, and although it could be more inventive, it's definitely specific to Philadelphia!
- Logo: 7 Pretty good - nice script word, a baseball diamond, and the Liberty Bell, crack and all!
- Mascot: 9 The Phillie Phanatic is a classic character! He(?) is often named the best mascot in sports. The Capital City Goofball (from the Simpsons) is based on him. The Phillies even had cool mascots before the Phanatic: "The Phanatic replaced "Philadelphia Phil" and "Philadelphia Phillis", a pair of siblings dressed in 18th-century garb to invoke the city's revolutionary spirit from 1776."
Winner
The San Diego Padres take the NL in another not-close race.
World Series
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Houston Astros
- Name: 9 Very specific to Houston. Also cool!
- Logo: 6 Attractive but fairly generic.
- Mascot: 7 His name is "Orbit", which is good, and he kind of looks like he's from outer space? Also, he does this.
San Diego Padres
- Name: 10 Padres refers to the Spanish missionaries in the area. Nicely done!
- Logo: 6 The logo isn't really baseball-specific, but it looks nice, and I like the "baseball club" touch (like a lot of soccer teams call themselves "football club"s)
- Mascot: 9 The Swinging Friar is pretty awesome!
Winner
I love me some Astros, but this isn't even close - the San Diego Padres are the winners!
I'm pretty happy with this result, and I swear I didn't rig it!